The Boy or the Man

My life is full of rearrangements. From job changes, to boyfriends, to friends, and at home. But, the most constant rearrangements happen in my own head. My feelings about things are being rearranged all the time, and my mind can’t seem to make up it’s mind(lol).

The one that comes to mind at the moment happens to be rearranging again because of a dream I had last night. It was about a boy I used to know, who isn’t really a boy anymore. He is a man now. Things have changed a lot since we’ve grown up, and I always have the boy he used to be, who we used to be and those memories in mind when I think about him.

I used to love him, but that was a long time ago. We are good friends now, and have always shared some weird connection, nothing physical; well ok once about a year ago, but we swore it wouldn’t happen again because it felt too weird.. I can’t explain it, we just like to be around each other. We dated for so long, we were high school sweethearts, but now things are different.

In some way, when I lost him I lost myself. When we weren’t together my life fell to pieces in so many ways. I feel like I haven’t ever been able to pick up the pieces and put them back together because something is missing. He is missing. He used to be my rock, one of the only things that held me together during my darkest moments, even now, he has still been there.

We don’t see each other quite as often as we used to. He recently went to Iceland with another girl and it looked amazing. I used to have huge aspirations like that. I wanted to travel and see the world. I guarantee if we had stayed together, we would have been married by now. I know he still loves me… I see it on his face when he looks at me.

He is a good man, one of the kindest smart-asses of them all. I think my feelings are changing. For a while I swore I would never go back, and I actually lost the physical attraction to him. Until lately, even before I saw he was hanging with another girl, I’ve been craving his attention and to be around him.

Maybe, it might be time to Rearrange my life one more time. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just see if I could be happy again, maybe he is what I’ve been missing deep down all this time. We used to have passion, and romance, and we were always there for each other. Yea, he hurt me, he hurt me pretty bad; but that was a long time ago. We were children when it happened.

It’s always lingered in the back of my mind, even when the attraction withered. I always thought that he and I were supposed to end up together eventually, somehow. In some cases I even felt guilty; that whoever I was with at the moment wasn’t going to be the one, and that I was just killing time until the time was right to be with him… Maybe that seems stupid to tie up my heart like that but it’s not on purpose.

I think I need to find out once and for all if there is truly anything left, or if maybe something new could begin.

via Daily Prompt: Rearrange

Ugly Truth- Needed to Vent

Maybe I’m a bitch, maybe you won’t agree with some of the things I say. But I do not care if you disagree with my personal opinions. However, I will respect differences of opinion.

I am just so fed up with things, even if they are small.

If you work in a business that handles multiple phone calls a day, you should know the importance of quick and need-to-know information. Yes, sometimes it’s nice to have a pleasant conversation but if I ask you questions such as “what team are you working with?” I only need the answer not the whole story behind it. Especially when I answer the phone with “how can I direct your call,” please understand that I am trying to get you to the right person, so don’t get mad at me when I have to ask you a few questions to get you someone who is actually available.

As a former team leader I understand the importance of keeping everyone informed of TEAM changes or decisions. There is no need to keep secrets for the benefit of the team.

It’s so unfair that we are one of the busier teams yet when someone is on vacation for a different team, they plan to have someone (from our team) cover them- yet when we are missing a person, the rest of us have to run around like chickens with our heads cut off. Sorry to be vague, there are reasons for it.

Also, its bullshit to use people for your own personal benefit, if it only helps you and no-one else that is SELFISH. Why not try to help everyone on our team succeed and not just yourself…

I am also fed up with people not listening to me over the phone. I wanted to enroll in benefits and after I called three times and got voicemail promising me a call back (which they didn’t) I had to tell this person 5 times that I had already selected the options that I wanted to enroll in and that I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE PRESENTATION OF EACH OPTION. She told me if I didn’t have time, to call back on Monday; I was about to flip my lid.

After the 5th time I told her she finally looked at my account after I had already given her all my information and saw that I had “enrolled” and “waived” certain options. Then she read the list of them to make sure it was correct. THANK YOU that is what I wanted in the first place.

Lastly I am tired of being taken advantage of. Too many people have done it and Im guilty for allowing it. Don’t make promises you cant fucking keep. Be a decent human being and if I’m reaching out to you telling you Im almost suicidal and you don’t respond for 7 months -and then when you do you say “you deserve to know Im getting a divorce because you’ve been with us from the start. You listened to all our problems and helped me,” -don’t expect me to jump on the pitty train. This was also after I had sent another heartfelt letter apologizing for a lot of things.

Don’t expect me to comfort you when you make every situation about yourself and you only want me in your life when you can benefit from it in some way.

I used to be extremely forgiving and normally I would have stepped up and been the bigger person and I tried. At first I responded saying “Im so sorry, but Im proud of you for doing the best thing for you and your son. Maybe when things settle down we can get together and discuss our relationship”. I got no response for months, then I blew up and sent her one last letter. I poured my heart out again and reminded her that we had been best friends for 21 years! No response.

The only reason she stopped talking to me in the first place was because I disagreed with her about whether a brides family should pay for bridemaids dresses or not…

Im trying to move on with my life now. Im trying to make new friends and get over the times people have hurt me. Its really fucking hard. Im so stressed out that I get hot flashes and I feel like Im being a huge bitch to everyone around me, even my family. I need a vacation, or a break. Oh but I guess you actually have to make good money for that, which is really hard too because companies just want to take advantage of you. It’s all bullshit.

Sorry if this got a little real or to complain-y for ya. I’m not looking for any pats on the back I just needed to vent.

Banned

Your eviction notice has been served. Please pack your things and get out of my life. I once called you family and to another I called you my best friend. My weaknesses got the best of me and I let you stay too long.

I let you break down my shell and tear out my insides. You used my insecurities against me and fired your shots. If you could see the destruction in real life I would have had holes all over my body, dripping with blood. I probably would have been crawling on the ground and crying, I would have been reaching for you and screaming at you to stop and help me. You both would have just stood there with your arms crossed and probably laughed.

It has been almost a year since I lost both of you. My shell is growing back and getting stronger. I used to forgive so easily but now I can hardly even trust anymore.

Every once in a while when I am weak and needy I think about letting you back in. I think about reaching out and apologizing even though it’s not my fault. Then there are other days when I am reminded of how much you hurt me. Some days I just feel empty, some days I am angry, but more frequently as time goes on, I feel stronger.

I can’t let you back in. Ever. You’re Banned from my life forever.

via Daily Prompt: Banned

Wild Child

giant-510674_640We could all use a little humor once in a while. The post Escaping Reality, One Adventure at a Time — Oddities and Ends inspired this piece about silly memories from my childhood. I was a wild child, my nickname didn’t end with “-alien” for no reason. If it was quiet in the house my mom knew that was a bad sign. I’d probably be shoving a screw driver into an electric socket, drawing on the walls or the cat, or sitting on my bed chewing off the hands and feet of a barbie -yes, I did that.

My sister enjoyed picking on me and made me do silly things when I was at a vulnerable age. She once told me that if I ever thought I had a spider on me to jump up and down, spin around, and scream “I’m an idiot,” and that it was the only way to get it off… I believed her… I did exactly what she told me.

When she would really piss me off or if I got really mad, which happened often, I would stick my tongue out and bite down on it really hard, squeeze my fists, squint my eyes and furrow my brows. Sometimes it was the only way I could stop myself from punching her (I did punch her a few times). It looked bizarre but now looking back it was hilarious. It didn’t help when my parents would laugh at me but I now understand why.

There is a home video of when my sister and I had our mini pink corvette. I was angry because she wouldn’t stop the car to let me out. As she was driving in circles around our driveway I wound my hand up over her head, bit my tongue and pounded on her head as she circled another time, she finally had to stop the car. To this day I still wish we submitted the video to AFV.

On the post I mentioned earlier from Oddities and Ends, Jessie wrote about transforming into the characters she used to watch on TV and in movies which sparked another memory from my childhood. Whether the characters on my favorite shows were real or fantasy I believed I had Transformation powers as well. I would hang onto the slide at recess pretending to be drowning, and hoped a cute boy would come rescue me in slow motion like in the show “Baywatch”.

My friends and I used to run around tilting our heads back and forth to pretend we were in the intense scenes of Titanic. I don’t really know how that improved the experience but we did it anyway, and probably caused a lot of concern from bystanders for our mental health. Titanic was one of my favorite movies. I’d watch the second tape at least three times a week and watch Rose release Jack into the water and cry, every time “I’ll never let go”.

My sister and I were obsessed with the Spice Girls. I am pretty sure we still have the Spice World VHS tape and could probably still sing all the words to the songs. I was always Sporty Spice and my sister was either Baby Spice or Posh Spice. At the end of the movie they put on a great performance and the best part was at the end when they do the high kick. I’ll never forget doing that and screaming “Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight!”.

My sister and I were always playing pretend. Her favorite game was “teacher” and she demanded to always play Melinda, the teacher; which was also the name of my tooth fairy and it took me 10 years to figure out it was her. Anyway, I was playing her student one day and I was being the typical goof, she was getting angry because I wasn’t paying attention. She told me I had to write out “I am sorry” 15 times. So I did exactly that, word for word “I am sorry 15 times,” she was furious.

I’m sure I will post about other funny childhood memories, there are a LOT of them. I am torn about hoping I never have a child that is like me, because on the other hand, at least I would never be bored. Plus, I’d have many embarrassing stories to tell to their future boyfriends or girlfriends just like my parents do.

via Daily Prompt: Transformation

Judgment

Today at work a gentleman walked in for an appointment. Before he even came to the door I assumed he was a homeless man. He was dressed in a dirty, faded denim jacket, ripped sweat pants, a wide-brimmed hat that reminded me of something my dad would wear while fishing, and his hair was long and greasy. His eyes were red and his skin looked tired. He gave me an uncertain look so I waited for him to ask me for something. Turns out he was in my office for an appointment.

I’m guilty, I completely judged this person for his appearance and I hope that my face didn’t give away the thoughts and disbelief in my head when he said he was one of our clients.

I hate it when people make assumptions about me, especially when it comes to my age, appearance or how I chose to live my life. I will often hear someone say, “oh you’re too young to know this yet,” and in the back of my mind I’m rolling my eyes. I am a hypocrite because I know at least one time a day I make an assumption about someone else based on how they look, or speak, or carry themselves.

There was another time when it happened to me; I was hanging out with some friends in Orting having a good time watching football. Orting is a pretty small town; there are a few farms and only one main shopping area. I had been going there for years to visit my aunt and boyfriend who lived there. They had a guest over who I had never met before and when I told him I lived in Seattle he says “Oh, well you must be out of your comfort zone”.

Typically I would just laugh and let them think what they want. What made me angry was the fact that it wasn’t a question but a statement, a complete assumption about me based on where I live.

I just couldn’t believe this guy, throughout the night he made remarks about me being from the city even after my friend explained it to him. I ended up leaving early. I had many words I would have liked to say to him; he didn’t know me at all!

I am going to do my best to avoid making judgments about people. A thought might cross my mind here and there but hopefully I will realize it now, and I will do my best to treat everyone with respect. You never know when one Tiny misjudgment could really piss someone off or ruin their day.

via Daily Prompt: Tiny

Millions

Millions of seconds

Millions of minutes

Millions of thoughts

Millions of challenges

Millions of changes

Million of failures

Millions of factors

Millions of stars

Millions of hearts

Millions of kisses

Millions of words

Millions of lies

Millions of judgements

Millions of bodies

Millions of colors

Millions of stereotypes

Millions of people

But only one you.

 

via Daily Prompt: Millions

Truth or Tale

Ancient: Belonging to the very distant past and no longer in existence.

History has always interested me. What I enjoy most are the discoveries of things we never knew existed in the past. The theories people come up with and the research they do to uncover and make their theories a reality are unbelievable. I have been particularly interested in the theories about the lost city of Atlantis.

There is no solid proof that the city of Atlantis ever existed but what historians and scientists found during their research points to some sort of lost civilization, or even a few.  The only known historical documentation of the lost city of Atlantis is from the descriptions of Greek philosopher Plato.

Researchers and scientists used Plato’s descriptions of the island as a map that pointed to the Mediterranean and Atlantic as the best possible sites. Some believed it was located on the Greek island of Santorini. It made sense because there were Tsunamis reported in the region for centuries, which could explain the disappearance. The largest Tidal wave reported slammed Libson in November 1755; it was 10-stories high. A wave that big could wipe out up to 60miles inland, according to the article I read on Msnbc.

Some theories suggest that the city was in Spain and others even suggest it was in Antarctica. Charles Orser -a curator of history at the New York State Museum said “pick a spot on the map, someone has said that Atlantis was there.”

In Plato’s documentation of Atlantis he describes the founders of Atlantis to be half god and half human. He described Atlantis as a utopian civilization that became a great naval power. Circular islands with motes and canals in between made up the structure of the city. The central island in the city was the capital. Plato described the islands to contain gold, silver, and an abundance of exotic wildlife and other precious metals.

The story of Atlantis has been passed down for centuries by poets and priests etc. Similar stories include tales about cataclysmic floods and volcanic eruptions that wiped out civilizations. One historical civilization called the Minoans disappeared around the same time as a major volcanic eruption and it was believed by some to be Atlantis due to it’s similarities. However, the timeline’s of the event and the time Plato wrote about Atlantis do not match up.

Many people do not believe that Atlantis ever existed. They believe that Plato used similar themes in many of his writings about human nature and morals. In his writings he explains that the occupants of Atlantis grew to be greedy and petty so the gods punished them by sending “one terrible night of fire and earthquakes,” and that it caused the city to sink into the sea.

One theory suggests that the occupants of the city fled inland when a Tsunami hit and the survivors built a memorial city there. Other researchers have found a city in Greece with similar structures to the ones described in Plato’s work.

At the site in Spain where researchers believe the city used to be, they are slowly uncovering it’s secrets. They are using satellite imaging, deep ground sonar and many other kinds of technology to uncover the truth.

I am curious to see what the researchers and scientists find throughout time. What if they uncover something completely different than Atlantis? Who knows what the future holds but I think it is so cool that we can uncover the past and learn about lost times. If it weren’t for the writings of Plato whether they prove to be true or false, there may have been parts of our history never unfolded.

What do you think, do you think Plato’s story is true?

Sources:

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/32027560/. “Lost City of Atlantis Believed Found off Spain.” Msnbc.com. Msnbc, 14 Mar. 2011. Web. 20 Oct. 2016.

Drye, By Willie. “Atlantis—True Story or Cautionary Tale?” National Geographic. National Geographic, n.d. Web. 20 Oct. 2016

via Daily Prompt: Ancient

Mr. Cook: Chapter 11

Three days had gone by since Eveline found Mr. Cook who had peacefully passed away in his bed. She had cried for a long time each day and panicked about what to do. When she found him she called 911 as soon as she could finally speak. She made Clara watch the TV and eat her breakfast like normal and told her not to go downstairs, that Mr. Cook needed some medical attention.

When she finally told Clara what happened she didn’t have to explain what death was, luckily. She had already explained it to her when Clara asked about her father. She promised herself and Clara that she would never hide it from her. Clara cried and held onto the picture of Carol which Eveline figured was ok to “borrow” for a while.

Eveline was waiting for a call from the real estate company to give her the next steps to take now that he was gone. She didn’t think it would happen so soon. She wished she hadn’t gotten so close to him, but she was also relieved that he had a friend, and someone there to find him.

She received a call, but it wasn’t from the real estate company it was from the bank.

“Hello, is this Mrs. Fryling? My name is Julie and I am calling in regards to the will and testament of Mr. Cook. It shows on my records that you are the rightful owner and beneficiary of all of Bernie Cook’s belongings and accounts.”

Her jaw dropped, she was speechless, in that moment all of the emotion was overwhelming and she burst out in tears.

One month later…

Eveline was as nervous as ever setting foot on that plane. She looked up at the compartment above her and smiled.

“Here we go.”

Inside of her carry-on bag were the urns of Mr. Cook and Carol. Clara was staying with her grandparents back in London while Eveline made the trip to Bora Bora.

When she got to the resort she was amazed by the place. It was so green everywhere, the palm trees were green, the sky had a greenish blue tint and even the water. She realized in that moment why Mr. Cook love it there so much. It was paradise.

There was only one thing on her itinerary that day; a sailing lesson where she planned to release the ashes of Mr. and Mrs. Cook into the place where they were the happiest. It was where they belonged and it was Mr .Cook’s last request.

If it weren’t for Mr. Cook she would have never set foot on another airplane. She forgot how much she truly enjoyed traveling. This time it felt different, she didn’t feel guilty for going without Christopher because of her purpose for going. The thrill she got after stepping off of the plane in Tahiti gave her newfound courage to do what she loved. Eveline was already planning her next trip and she thought she would even bring Clara along.

When Eveline boarded the vessel for her sailing lesson she was surprised to be greeted by none other than the handsomest instructor of them all. They flirted as he taught her the ropes, how to set sail, and how to check the wind.

She figured he might think it was a bit awkward to dump the ashes right in the middle of the lesson. She was surprised when the instructor offered to help her so that they could go at the same time and place, he even set the anchor so she would have time to say her goodbyes.

Before exiting the vessel she turned around to shake the man’s hand and thank him for the lesson. He wouldn’t release her hand.

“You are a beautiful woman,” he smiled “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

Eveline smiled so big and after contemplating it for a moment, she figured she should take a risk one last time in her life. Who knows what the possibilities could be or where it could lead her. All she knew is that she has a life ahead of her to live to the fullest. She didn’t want to dread the past and let it haunt her like it did to Mr. Cook. In the back of her mind she thanked him for opening her eyes.

“I would love to.”

The End

 

 

Mr. Cook: Chapter 10

Eveline and Mr. Cook were sitting at the dinner table. He was telling more stories about his time at sea, about Carol when she became a nurse, and Eveline shared her story about Christopher. She told Mr. Cook about their time traveling and how they fell in love while doing what they love.

“It was the best time of my life, I was free. Nothing was in my way and I was free to go wherever I wanted, he followed me until I agreed to go to dinner with him.”

Mr. Cook smiled and shared the story about how he met Carol.

“We were in the same class, she kept staring at me or so I thought, so I would make faces at her and then one day the teacher told me I had to stop doing it because it made the rest of the class giggle. Turns out her best friend was right behind me so every time I thought she was looking at me, she was actually looking at her friend. They thought I was a clown. It took me months to work up the courage to finally ask her out.”

Mr. Cook was actually enjoying Eveline’s company. He felt solace in the fact that she went through a similar loss that he did.

Meanwhile, Clara was in the living room watching cartoons on the small television that Mr. Cook rarely ever watched. She had fallen asleep on the couch while Eveline and Mr. Cook were talking. They must have been talking for hours because when Eveline got up to check on Clara she noticed it was pitch black outside. Not only that, but it had been snowing the whole time they were talking.

She woke Clara up and hurried her coat on and told Mr. Cook that she wasn’t sure if she could drive in this but that she was going to try. Before she even made it to the car Mr. Cook had his shoes on and hobbled outside to stop them.

“It’s not safe to drive in this. The hill will be too slick, there isn’t another way down that isn’t a hill. You guys are welcome to stay here until the morning and then see if it has melted away.”

Eveline was reluctant. She felt a little strange staying in an old man’s home that she had only known for a little over a month. She shrugged her shoulders an agreed and took Clara’s hand and went inside.

Mr. Cook was feeling very friendly this evening after their long talk. He didn’t have any other place for both of them to sleep aside from the spare room, which was the one he slept in. The only other option was the master bedroom.

“I will fix the master bedroom, you guys can stay in there,” he put a hand up before Eveline could bud in “Don’t worry I did wash the sheets since.. you know.”

Eveline wasn’t sure about that. She knew Carol died at the dinner table but something felt really strange about sleeping in the bed that they used to share. She remembered how it felt to sleep in the bed alone that her and Christopher shared. But, it was better than cramming on the couch, and, it was only for one night… hopefully.

They settled in, Clara was the first one asleep of course, it was way past her bedtime and she was exhausted. Eveline had a really hard time sleeping. She kept waking up and turning to the other side. She was just not going to be able to sleep in that bed. She didn’t want to wake Clara so she just shut her eyes and laid there until the early morning.

It was much earlier than the time Mr. Cook usually got up, but Eveline could not wait any longer in that bed and Clara was wide awake anyway. It was still very icy out so she knew she would have to wait until later to hopefully make the drive home. She put on a pot of coffee and fed Oscar. She thought it would be a nice surprise to make Mr. Cook some breakfast, he probably hadn’t had anyone cook for him since Carol died.

She made some bacon, toast and topped the toast with a poached egg. Then she went downstairs to wake Mr. Cook. She knocked on the bedroom door and quietly said his name.

“Mr. Cook, I made you some breakfast.”

The door swung open the second time she tried to knock. She walked closer to him and put her hand on his.

It was cold.