The melody plays

a symphony of my past.

The bridge is low, slow and sad,

brings tears to my eyes.

The chorus of mistakes and betrayal repeats.

I am the conductor

the conclusion lies in my hands.

The melody builds as I follow the path

I must come to terms with the ugly truths.

Mistakes are made,

recovered by the strong beat.

The melody fades away

supported by my audience, an encore begins.

This time I am fearless,

I try something new

composing as I go,

trusting my instincts,

believing in the music.


via Daily Prompt: Faded

Struggles of 2016

The extended title of this should be “The Struggles of A 24yr Old in 2016”.

Online Dating:

As if trying to find a man wasn’t already hard enough. Let’s just take all the hard work out of it for them and display ourselves on the internet like a catalog for their picking. I tried a few different sites. I found a couple of dates on Plenty of Fish but eventually gave up after they all turned out to be interested in only ONE thing… I have also tried Tinder which is just a meat market to hook up. I know there are other sites, some even leave it up to the women to strike conversation. Others you have to pay to join and it just does not seem worth it. I’d just much rather be picked up and won over in person than online.

Dating in General:

What happened to the chase? I know sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and sometimes that means taking someone home on the first date. I am so done with that. I really want to find something meaningful and it seems like if you’re not down to get dirty right away the interest goes away. I’m sure there are men out there who appreciate the wait and the chase but I haven’t found one yet…

Social Media:

I am struggling with this at the moment. I have really grown to dislike Facebook, Instagram and all social media. The problem is that after having a Facebook for 10 years I have accumulated quite a lot of photos and videos and other memories that are stuck on there. That is one of the reasons keeping me from deleting it all together. Another reason is that I feel like I would loose communication to people with out it. It happened when my sister deleted hers. I think that is really sad.

One thing that really bothers me is that people get so offended over being deleted on Facebook or other social media. It also serves as a way for others to bash people online without fear of the consequences. After the election my mom replied to a comment on her friend’s Facebook and just a simple misuse of words and misunderstanding of what she was trying to say caused multiple women to gang up on her and bash her all over Facebook. They were friends of hers that were part of her Breast Cancer group! It was unbelievable… It is astonishing how much Facebook controls our lives and plays such a role in the types of friendships we have.

Negativity In the Workplace:

At my office there has been a lot of complaining going on. My coworkers often contradict themselves when it comes to their issues, it seems as though nothing pleases them. They complain about lack of change and then complain again when there IS change. They all talk about each other behind each other’s backs and it is starting to create such a cloud of negativity. I wish they would just do their jobs with out expecting some sort of reward over it. They need to separate their social and work behavior. I wish we could work together to be successful as a team instead of fighting to be successful as individuals… It’s like being in high school all over again sometimes.


Relationships in general whether it’s family, friends, or coworkers have been a roller coaster for me this year. So many people have come and gone this year and many of the reasons why were due to miscommunications, lack of communication all together, a misunderstanding, or due to overreacting. Often nowadays people tend to react instead of respond to difficult situations.

I need friendships and relationships where people are understanding and accepting of differences. I need people who are honest, kind, and open to communicate their problems instead of throwing hurtful things in my face. I’ve seen so many grown adults throw tantrums and rant about their problems publicly whether in person or on social media. I’ve seen small situation become life-altering events due to simple misunderstandings.

I am becoming more careful about who I have in my life and the quality of people that are in it.

I would also like to point out the importance of showing people you care about them. One of the biggest and most common factors in the fall out of many of my relationships was due to lack of effort on the other side. It doesn’t mean you have to spend money on that person to show them you care. Simple actions can mean the most and make the biggest difference.

Ego vs. Accomplishment and Acknowledgement:

This is also something that has created difficulties in many of my relationships. I’ve been guilty of comparing myself to others and have also had people compare themselves to me. I believe part of the problem is that some people think they are entitled to some sort of reward for their accomplishments which may be true in some cases, but all too often people are blind to the other underappreciated people around them. Whether someone earns a physical reward, becomes happy, or shows off their success somehow it pisses people off.

Let’s be happy for each other and build each other up instead of thinking the world owes us something because it definitely doesn’t.

Some people are naturally successful; others have to work extremely hard for their accomplishments. Whatever the case maybe there is a difference between humbly seeking acknowledgement and egotistically fishing for compliments and admiration.







Goofy Thoughts

Boy is my head swarming this morning. I woke up with quite the headache. Often when I’m not feeling well I find myself talking to myself out loud a lot, it’s pretty funny and I don’t realize it until it too late… and then proceed to laugh out loud at myself. I can’t imagine what other people think of it. I am just in a goofy mood today, so here is a hiccup of my thoughts.

I was lying in my bed this morning and had the daily debate of how much I really need my job. I so badly just wanted to lay in my bed. My bank account is a harsh reminder of why I need it and is ultimately the reason I weaseled myself out of bed.

My bed is extremely comfortable too, which makes getting out of it even more difficult. It always seems like the last five minutes before my alarm blares are when I find the most comfortable position.

I have a super fluffy duvet and a silky smooth cover. My sheets are soft cotton and my 6 (yes 6) pillows are down and super silky, cold and squishy just the way I like it. I like to surround myself with my pillows and have one leg on top of my fluffy duvet. Is it weird to have such a strong “relationship” with my bed?

I actually googled it this morning because I was curious if other people share the same thoughts as me. I guess there is actually a thing called “bed addiction”. A lot of what I read pointed to depression as being the most common reason people don’t want to get out of bed. However, I truly don’t think I am depressed.

I was extremely sick this last weekend and spent my entire weekend in my bed. When I was awake I watched a few Youtube videos but when I was tired of staring at my phone I would just lay there in silence. I kept moving my legs to find the cold spot on the bed, and I just really enjoyed the solitude.  I truly just love the feeling of my fluffy comforter and pillows. It is such a comforting, secure feeling.

I don’t consider myself lazy. I work full time and exercise often and I maintain my appearance. I try my best to keep up my room, although I’ll admit I am not the most organized by any means. I did however manage to fill four trash bags of goodwill items when I finally did get stir crazy this weekend.

When I do clean my room, typically my main focal point is my bed. I take pride in making sure my sheets are pulled super tight and my comforter is fluffed and folded over at the top. I have fuzzy throw blankets and big pink quilted pillow that I use most for decoration. I get extremely excited to go to bed when I know it’s made just how I like it.

Maybe this is really strange to some people. It’s just normal for me because most of my time at home is spent in my bedroom since my desk and computer is there. I have a tv in there with a pretty stellar sound system too. I don’t really watch a lot of tv but I do listen to music a lot and even occasionally dance like a maniac by myself.

Sometimes I consider changing my plans just so that I can go home and sleep in my bed. I’ve left my friends house at 3am a few times after changing my mind and deciding I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I honestly can’t stand sleeping in someone else’s bed or on a couch unless I’m drunk (lol).

I spent over $200 on bedding for my ex because I couldn’t stand the scratchy sheets he had and his embroidered comforter. I set my bare leg on top of it and it was just awful, bumpy, and scratchy.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ve made my point clear by now. I just enjoy my alone time and I consider myself a very independent person. Is it really a bad thing to enjoy these things that much when it honestly makes me happy?

I’ve Been Distant

I haven’t been here in a while. Not only was I on vacation in Florida, but my life has taken many shifts recently and I am beginning to be a lot busier. I am moving up in my company and learning new tasks. Everything seems so open at the moment. I reconnected with someone from my past, actually, a couple of people; and my life is beginning to feel full again.

I find myself smiling more, I am more excited and motivated to do things. I have finally broken free of the chains that gripped me before. I do want to keep writing and blogging, and I will, it just might not be as often as before.

More Encouragement

​”My strongest lesson to make me positive, was hearing people talk about their loved ones they lost, and what they did NOT say. That is why I tried to say ‘it’ daily, to someone, to anyone.”
“What do you see yourself doing in 5, 10, or 15 years from now? I didn’t say 20 because your ticket might only go one more day.”
“Get there somehow”
“You can’t judge young people by what they do or don’t until you see the latter part of their book of life. So kids, follow your heart, but keep learning, and always be nice to everyone.”
“Learning to sincerely like all kinds of people is THE important part of life success.”
-Some word of wisdom and encouragement from my Grandpa, Neal Vonada.

A Poem I Found

Found this on my grandfather’s website. Grandpatime.itgo.com On pg 12.

It Couldn’t Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it”;
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just started to sing as you tackle the thing
That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.”

Edgar Guest

Rant from a Receptionist

From the title of this post, you can probably guess that I am a receptionist. I am fairly new to this type of work. I do my best to have patience and learn to multitask in a busy environment. However there are some key things that really just irritate me so much.

The first is when people do not respect my workspace. This is not just the lobby area, it is my desk and workspace. I have to be able to hear the customers on the phone. That means when you are sitting here waiting, and the phone rings, you can take your conversation OUTSIDE into the atrium or to one of the conference rooms.

A lot of the time my position requires me to assist other members of the office with different tasks. Sometime we use outside businesses and work with them, they use our conference rooms. Sometimes the employees try to interrupt me while I’m on the phone or ask me to do things for them that is part of THEIR job while I am busy trying to finish my work on time. If you ask me something and I tell you “I need to finish this hold on.” please don’t keep explaining to me what you need to do and why you need to do it quickly.

I am here to help you but often my tasks require that I finish the specific page before I can even click out of whatever it is I’m working on. I am the type of person who will start writing whatever my train of thought is instead of what I was supposed to be writing.

At my job it is against the law for me to leave the front area. So when you call me on the phone and I transfer you to someone and you get voicemail, do not call me back and get mad at me. Sometime there aren’t anyone available this is actually a pretty small office. I am literally the messenger do not blame me for not being able to get you someone. If it is urgent I promise I will get someone to call you back right away.

Also, I am not the damn maid. Yes, it is part of my job to tidy up and maintain the office. If you work here, its really not hard to put your dirty dishes into the dishwasher instead of leaving them in the sink… It also really irritates me when people leave their coffee cups in the room or throw trash on the floor when there is a garbage can within a few feet…  One lady brought her toddler who smashed M&Ms into the carpet and she didn’t clean it up or mention it to me. I found it after she left… There was chocolate everywhere and we had to put in a work order to have the maintenance crew clean the carpets.

Lastly, twice today I had people come in to solicit us. One was with a company and I refused to give him contact information, so he reached over and grabbed a business card that I didn’t realize had the email address on it that I originally refused to give him. What a dick move! Another person came in with no appointment to speak to one of our reps (who are extremely busy right now) and “link up”. Luckily our rep picked up on his game quickly and didn’t give him much detail. He was just fishing for details about us so he could go off and start doing it on his own. On one hand it was actually pretty clever of him, but on the other hand, he was stupid to think our business wouldn’t pick up on what he was trying to do… He didn’t even shake her hand.

Anyway those are just my rants of the day. It’s been a crazy day in the office and there is high tension here. Does anyone else have any funny office stories or rants they want to share? I’d love to hear it!

Story Time: About an Old Job

I wrote a review today on a job I used to have. It was my first real job, I was 18 and new to retail completely. I was hired on as a seasonal associate and then officially hired after the holiday season. When I started the job I was immediately in love with the place. It had a lot of really cool things from around the world, housewares, and even some clothing items. It was a really fun place to work, until I got to know the manager.

There were multiple managers for the store I was in. The main manager was the awful one. The rest of them were extremely helpful, encouraging, and friendly. The main manager was a huge you know what. She was rude to customers and often rude to staff as well. She made ridiculous requests and often wanted to change displays. She would assign me to one and I would complete it to look like the picture from the catalog (as instructed). When I was done, she would often make me re-do most of it because the picture was just a “concept” and she wanted it done a little different. The first few times this happened I complied because I wanted to prove myself. When it reoccurred every month even when I put my own creativity into the display, she would often have a problem with it.

There was a specific time that I had rearranged all of the baskets  and worked for hours sweating and climbing up and down ladders, as well as assisting customers during store hours, AND cashiering. I worked so hard and then the next day it was all moved around to the way the manager wanted it… I was furious.

Aside from her poor communication skills she was also a pot stirrer. I was sitting in the lunch room eating my lunch, while one of our associates sat next to me eating Halloween candy. She said she didn’t bring a lunch and that the candy was going to be her lunch. That girl was friends with two other girls, one was a younger cashier, another was just moved up to a manager in training. For the first couple months we were all pretty good friends. I even drove the younger girl home quite a few times.

Anyway, the younger girl was in my car and I joked about what our friend/coworker said about eating the candy for lunch and said something about how it was actually kind of gross (because I don’t like chocolate that much). The next day at work I was closing with the younger girl who was giving me the cold shoulder. She wouldn’t look at me or acknowledge me.

The next morning I got called down to the managers office over the loud speaker. I went into the room and all three of the girl plus the manager are in there. They confronted me about what I said and accused me of calling the girl fat… The manager left the room to let us “resolve” the issue after explaining her outside opinion on it, (which was that I needed to apologize and be careful about what I say). When she left the younger girl and the one who was in training told me they were going to make the rest of my time there “a living hell”.

I used to be a team captain and understand how important it is to work together as a team and to help avoid cliques. The manager of the store did not do any of that. She was rude to me consistently.  It almost seemed like she encouraged the behavior and even participated in it when she singled me out during one of our meetings. The security guard at the store was the only one I trusted. He was always the one with the gossip and he liked everyone in the store. Even he agreed that their behavior was unacceptable.

Another time the girls planned for everyone to wear dresses for Easter. I diligently picked out my outfit and because I did not have a dress that would be appropriate I picked out a really cute black and white striped skirt, paired it with leggings, boots and an orange sweater. I thought I looked really cute and it took me a long time to pick out the outfit. I showed up to work and went downstairs to put my apron on. My manager walked in and said “What are you wearing?”, embarrassing me in front of the rest of the staff. Then she told me I looked like I wasn’t feeling well and that I should go home and she basically kicked me out of the store for no reason. I was so confused and really upset.

The previous night I closed again with the younger girl who I saw purposely mess up my displays to try to get me into trouble. She wanted me to quit and I knew she was determined to make it happen. The other girl would also mess up my displays and my item of the day sign. They messed up my schedule too. I was getting less hours than everyone else and guess who made the schedule? The main manager, who I believe was playing along in their game… I’d be pulling into the parking garage and get a call that my shift had changed and that I can go home and come in the next day, which happened to be the day I planned to have off… Eventually I had had my last straw.

I did something I really regret doing. I wanted to get revenge on one of the girls. I was old enough to know better, but young enough to ignore my better judgment and listen to the little devil on my shoulder. I should have take a Bludgeon and smashed the thing. But I was young and dumb. I decided that I was going to fake return some items and use her register to take the money out, intending for her to get blamed for stealing the money. The security guard had mentioned to me that he didn’t think the cameras actually worked in the store. So when her register was open it was game time.

Well, the cameras did work. They caught me doing it and the manager escorted me out of the store and told me that normally she would call the police. But she felt sympathy for me and let me go. That was the only nice thing she ever did.

I have not set foot inside one of those stores since all this occurred. I still talk to the security guard who fills me in on the drama and I saw one of my other coworkers the other day and she was really nice to me. She didn’t know what happened and wanted me to come visit the store and I just shook my head. I saw the girl I “insulted” at Starbucks recently; I looked at her and could tell she recognized me but I pretended like I didn’t even know her.

I don’t really know what point I’m getting at here. But I just wanted to share this experience because it really had an impact on my life. I was so discouraged and disappointed in myself after the incident. I fell into a really deep depression and didn’t work for a long time after I left. I am really careful about learning work environments now before I make friends. After reading reviews about the company this was with I noticed many other stores even out of state had similar issues. I think it says something about the company as a whole and the type of people they hire. I definitely will not be a future/returning customer.


via Daily Prompt: Bludgeon