Rough Day

The thing I like most about the company I work for, and the reason I decided to work here (Started as a temp) was when I heard my boss say that she wanted us all to reach our goals. She wanted to help us get exactly where we wanted to go and do what she could to help us get there because, in her words “everyone deserve success if they’re willing to work for it”.

There are many good things happening right now, however today was just really hard. I got a promotion and I am now learning how to be an escrow assistant. It’s great because soon, I will be hired on for sure. I am excited to work with this company, however there is SO much to learn, and although I assumed it would be hard, it is turning out to be more than I thought.

I am always way too hard on myself. I am BRAND new to escrow and this company was kind enough to welcome me and teach me everything. A lot of people go to college for this sort of job before starting the position I am learning from scratch. I have to constantly remind myself and everyone else here that I am brand new, and I am not going to learn it as fast as they (or I) hoped.

Today I was learning to do funding packages, scan them into our folders and send them out to lenders etc. For some reason I could NOT get them to scan properly and almost ripped a signed legal document. I also had an issue with the person training me refusing to “show” me. She kept wanting me to “figure it out” on my own because that was how she learned. I had to explain to her numerous times that I don’t learn like that, because I am a perfectionist and I always second guess myself. I ended up having a huge melt down which was a little embarrassing, I just got frustrated and couldn’t hold back the tears.

I just hate being slow, or struggling at something, when I’ve already been showed how to do it. I get so frustrated when I have a problem that I can’t resolve on my own. I just have so much pressure to prove myself here. I have to show them that I am worth teaching this stuff to and that I do in fact learn fast, and do a good job. As I was in the bathroom having an anxiety attack one of my coworkers kindly told me her story about how she made mistakes when she started.

Back when she started things weren’t quite as complicated and high tech as they are nowadays, but on the flip side it created a longer process since she had to separate everything and make hard copies and file them instead of electronic copies that can even go directly where they need to go with a barcode scanner built into the copier. It’s actually really cool, but there is a lot of room for error.

She reminded me that everyone struggles at first. She had a degree and had the same problem that I did today. She told that I was doing just fine, to take a step back and focus on one part at a time. She said if I am stuck or overwhelmed that it means I need to work on the previous step again until I have it down. Her encouragement and compliment went a long way.

I realized in that moment all I really needed was someone to tell me I was doing a good job. I don’t mean to sound like I need a pat on the back every time I do something good, it was just nice to hear it and was all the encouragement I needed to push through the rest of the day.

Encourage the people around you. If you see someone struggling, or down on themselves even just a simple compliment can make all the difference in the world.



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