Anxiety Induced Rant

Do you ever just get so done with your current situation? Like you’re just tired of the same routine you’ve been doing and now you want to do something else? It happens to me all the time and it’s so bad right now! I just have the urge to pack up all my crap and move to Montana. I actually just had a funny conversation with my friend Molly about that. I told her we would move to a cabin there, I would learn to hunt for food and then we would live in peace, with out internet or contact unless it was on our terms… I even went as far as looking at listings online for properties. Montana is so beautiful..

I am just so bored of my job. I started in June and at first it seemed like a great place with tons of growth. But as I am trying to learn new things and am currently being trained in a higher position, I am noticing how fucked up the management is here. I’ve had three or four different people teaching me how to do things and they all do it different ways so I am so confused half the time. The other half of the time I am just trying to figure it out on my own… Another coworker has been a negative nancy and is quitting. She is my favorite person here, but lately I am just sick of her bitching.

Also, the holidays are pretty shitty this year. I know the price tag on a gift shouldn’t matter but I feel like I am not going to be giving back to others equally.

I hate money. It’s so hard to get to the point where you’re earning enough to support yourself. You basically have to kill yourself trying to get there by working late and not spending time on yourself or other important things. I spend most of my time at the office and then the rest of my life is in disarray. I just want to be outside or at home reading a book or something.

I want to go back to school but due to inherited properties I can’t get financial aid. My parents refuse to pay for school so I have been trying to save up enough to do it myself. It’s so hard to save money right now. I don’t have any sort of cushion. The opportunities and steps I could take to make more money COST money so what the fuck am I supposed to do..

I have plenty of opportunities with the company I am in and this would be the route to go to make more money down the road. However it’s not what I want to do with my life/career. I want to work with animals or have a farm or something someday. I wish it could be sooner than later… My dad always tells me I can do anything I set my mind to, which I try to do but something seems to always get in the way and I just want to get there!

I need to do something big, or important with my life. I need to help people and animals and I want to be remembered for something special when I am gone. My grandfather was one of those kinds of people and I feel like he is so disappointed in me for how I have done so far.. I just feel stuck, and frustrated that I’m not where I want to be nor am I headed in the right direction. Something has to change.

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