I Joined OKCupid

Yesterday, I was hanging out with my best friend. She is also single, so we were looking on our dating sites and she began to show me her OkCupid (OKC) profile. I had heard of this dating site before but I thought it was only for Christians, and I thought you had to pay. OKC is open to the public and also has a both free and premium features.

I was pleasantly surprised with OKC, they asked a LOT of questions and not just the basics. They really dug deep and aim to match you to people based on your answers. Not only can you choose your own answer, but you can select the answer(s) that you would prefer your match to say. You can also view each others answers, but only if you answered the same question(s). OKC also let’s you skip questions which I was grateful for, because some I felt required a more detailed answer than what they offered. There is a space to write in an answer but I still preferred to leave some blank.

I completed my new profile on OKC and instantly started receiving likes and messages etc. There is a “Boost” button that I accidentally hit and my notification were off the charts, so that was fun.

Like most dating apps, there are some features only available if you pay, but you can still see messages and received notifications when someone likes your profile. I feel that OKC offers a good selection of free features, and definitely better ones than POF.

OKC shows a percentage on each persons profile to rate how closely your answers match theirs. OKC also displays personality traits on profiles based on the answers provided. I enjoy the the info boxes/questions featured on each persons profiles which are:

  1. Self-Summary
  2. What I’m Doing with my life
  3. I’m really good at
  4. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
  5. Six things I could never do without
  6. I spend a lot of time thinking about
  7. on a typical Friday night I am
  8. You should message me if

I thoroughly enjoy how much control OKC gives me. I found out today that I can even filter my messages. It’s just really cool and I am super excited about this and thought I’d share in case someone else is looking to try a different dating app.

Does anyone else have any other recommendations for free dating sites/apps? Any success stories? I’d love to hear some feedback!

 

 

A Tough Subject

This could be a triggering post for some individuals.

I recently watched 13 Reasons Why. I will not go into the details of my thoughts on that show now, but one thing I noticed about it, is that there was not one mention of therapy or help for people with mental health or substance use disorders.

Some subjects are harder to talk about than others, and this is definitely one of them. I recently found out that someone I grew up with committed suicide. He was always kind of a troubled person and I hadn’t spoken to him in years. His death was still a shock to me because at one point in time, he was my best friend. He shot himself…

We grew up one street away from each other, and went to the same school. We rode the bus together and raced through our neighborhood on bicycles. We would fight a lot as kids, literal fist fights. I was very much a tom boy when I was younger, and we shared a lot of the same interests like motocross computer games and sports. Every Friday after school one of us would walk over to the other one’s house to play. There are many fond memories, and many dark ones as well.

I recently started a new job at a substance use treatment center. As part of my training I had to attend a Youth Mental Health First Aid conference. It was not medical first aid, it was about assisting youth in our establishment, how to talk to them, and  how to pick up on signs of specific disorders, especially suicidal behavior. The section on suicide was something that really hit me deep down to my core.

A couple of short clips were played from a documentary about Kevin Hines; a man who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, survived, and now tells his story in hopes of helping others. It was a very, very powerful message and I strongly suggest anyone to view it, even part of it, even though it is truly difficult to watch with out bursting into tears.

A good friend of mine met me for a drink last night. She seemed a little out of sorts and I later found out that her husband’s best friend, the best man in their wedding, shot himself in the head. She explained to me how hard she tried to think about the signs, and how nothing came to mind that could have possibly seemed like a sign. I then told her something that I learned in the conference, and not a lot of people know that it is a sign. Happiness can be a sign, because the person feels happy knowing they have a plan, and a way out.

I have known three other people in my life time, personally, that have ended their own lives, and it certainly makes you think about your own actions, or lack of. I’ve thought about why I didn’t talk to the neighbor kid anymore. What if I had reached out to him sometime? I know I can’t blame myself, and it had nothing to do with me, I hadn’t spoken to him in years.. But what if I did? Would it have made a difference? Or would it have taken more of a tole on me if I did, and it didn’t make a difference?…

I remember from my training, that the instructor said one of the major ways to help prevent suicide is to talk about it. If you have suspicions about someone, do not be afraid to approach them about it, because it could possibly be what saves them. Even just start with “Are you ok?”. That was the one thing that would have stopped Kevin from jumping off the bridge and could be what stops someone else. Ask the person if they have thought about suicide. Ask them if they have a plan. Listen and ask them if there is something you can do to help them. No matter what the response, remind them you’re there for them.

We can and should all work together, educate each other, and help each other Survive

via Daily Prompt: Survive

Not A Good Impression

I’ve written about online dating before. It’s been a few months since I re-started the journey of online dating after my last break up, and I’d like to share a little more about my experience.

I began searching in March, found a few interests and began conversations. One thing I realized that is still true is that I can only carry about 3 conversations at once. Even 3 is a little much for me, and I hate beginning a new conversation and having to start over on the whole “Hey how are you?”, “What do you do for work/fun?”… As I get deeper in conversations I forget who is who and sometimes think we’ve already covered a subject, only to find that I’m an idiot and it was the other guy..

I suppose I should have mentioned that the sites I’m using are Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF). I have used POF for a few years and have had two relationships spawn from it. Tinder I know is more of a hook up site, but I still think it is helpful in finding people in your community that might even share some mutual friends.

Back to my experience… I met a guy who I will just call “J” in March. J and I hit it off pretty quickly and we had great conversation. His smile was charming and after a cocktail with my best girlfriend I decided to say “we should meet”. At the same time I hit send he said “What are you doing tonight?”. I took that as a sign and threw some make up on and headed out the door to meet him for a drink.

I had been single since November and had zero hook ups in between. I told myself I was going to take things slow. Well, after a couple beers J invited me back to his place for have one more outside by a fire. I agreed and followed him. Well that one drink turned out to be a full glass of straight jack and no mixer… He walked me to my car and then pinned me to the door with his tongue down my throat.. Next thing I know were heading who knows where in my car to some parking lot to continue our frenzy because he still lived with his parents and they were home. You can pretty much assume the following events of the evening. I will say, we weren’t exactly successful, the rug burn was not fun…

I ended up seeing him again the next night, St. Pattys day for dinner. We enjoyed some green beer, and I was good this time; I did not go home with him, only kissed him good-bye and invited him to my birthday the weekend after. He accepted.

We went to a movie early in the day with my parents and sister, he made some awkward comments to my parents that had me a little unsure if I should have brought him, but I let it slide.

I got a hotel for my birthday and it was really awesome. He and I went and got a whole bunch of booze and pre-funked in the room before heading out. He invited his sister, and I invited mine and a few friends to join. It was fun until J started to get sloppy. We got kicked out of the first bar because he could barely open the door. He got a little weird and started getting uncomfortably clingy to me and wouldn’t even let me light my own cigarettes or open any doors. The extend of it did not make it seem sweet it was annoying to the point my sister and my friends left because they were uncomfortable.

I should have made him taxi home and gone on with my night, but I felt kind of responsible so I let him stay in the room; he did drive after all and I didn’t want to taxi home in the morning. I contemplated locking him out of the room when he went to get ice. I told him it wasn’t going to work out a few days later.

I boycotted online dating for a while after that, and decided to get back on a few days ago. I’m finding it harder and harder, to find dudes who aren’t too young or too old for me. J was only a year younger but there was a major maturity difference, so I’m not sure I’d date younger anymore.

I’m not relying solely on social media to find my price charming, but it’s nice when I’m not out man hunting to be able to at least talk to guys, and practice getting out of my comfort zone.

I did get a psycho that messaged me he started with “hey”, all I did was delete the conversation because I wasn’t interested (I didn’t know they could see that on their end) and then he says, “respect others you stupid fuck”, “you’re not special at all!!!!!” “fat ass” and then blocked me. I laughed and then wondered if he could be a serial killer… Who knows..

I really hate it when guys have really lame about me sections and use words like “and stuff” or simply “ask me”. Don’t have a lame headline like “Deer killer”… I also pay a lot of attention to usernames and if it is really stupid like “milkchocolate” I am not going to respond.

When I’m scrolling through pics, I absolutely hate it when they are blurry or with an arm around another girl even if it is a sister, it’s weird and they look like a swinger. I’m not hating it’s just not my thing and I won’t respond.

My advice, and just my personal opinions about dating profiles is to write something funny or a fun fact about yourself that isn’t gross, and don’t use vulgar language (unless that is truly your personality, then do you). Have clear pictures of yourself smiling and include ones of yourself doing cool things like hiking or doing a hobby etc. When engaging in conversation maybe consider the fact that I’m having a similar conversation with other guys (I mean come on, it’s a dating site) and try to make it different some how.

I notice spelling and grammar, and maybe it’s just a personal issue but it really bugs me when there isn’t punctuation; or when there are a fair amount of errors (I’m not saying mine is perfect either)…

When my profile says “Looking for a serious relationship” and someone messages me and theirs says “wants to date but nothing serious“, I do not respond. I’m done messing around and although a lot of people use those sites to hook up I set my profile as “Looking for a serious relationship” to hopefully deter the ones who just want a hook up…

If you are unsure if your profile will attract what you’re looking for ask a friend in the gender you are interested in and see what they say. Ask a stranger and get their opinion. If you’re serious and want a relationship and are using a dating website, at least put in some more effort on your profile so I can get an idea of how much effort you’d put into a relationship.

A first Impression is a big deal, but a lasting impression is even bigger.

via Daily Prompt: Impression