One Day At A Time…

I’ve been back at the whole eat healthy, and exercise thing and it’s going well so far. I’ve stayed at it for about a month. I’m trying to train my body that I’m not always going to feed it when it’s hungry. So I’m eating healthier and less often. So far I’ve lost 5 pounds in about 3 weeks which I know isn’t much, but I know I’ve gained muscle too. I can definitely see some changes happening.

Things started to really change after I got a new bike. I love it so much and have gone on a 10 mile bike ride every weekend since I got it. I’ve also been swimming at my community pool and I discovered  I really enjoy jump roping, it kicks my ass.

Sometimes I feel a little obsessive over what I’m eating and if I eat something extra even just a power bar right after lunch, I begin to feel guilty about it and wish I had waited to make sure I was really hungry. I don’t want to starve myself but I definitely want to make sure I am giving my body the right fuel and only when I feel I need it; not just because I am bored.

The problem I’ve had in the past with eating healthy is that I’d be too scared of getting hungry and binge eating, so instead of binging on bad food I’d pack myself way too much fruits and veggies and end up munching constantly throughout the day. Then my body was used to eating so often and I wasn’t really giving it the protein and energy it needed to burn fat and actually loose weight.

I’m not sure if anxiety is the right word for it but I’ve been catching myself worrying a lot lately and just feeling stressed. I was in the shower yesterday and said out loud “what are you so stressed about?”. I realize now I am overly fearful and stressed about reverting back to old habits and loosing all the progress I’ve made; because that is what has always happened in the past! I’m trying to stay positive and say to myself “what can I put in my body today that will fuel me and help me get where I’m going. I love my body and even though I’m not where I want to be I’m still far from where I started.”.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and for the first time ever I said “good job”.  Feeling proud of myself or confident is a rare thing for me. I am proud of myself, and I am ok with letting my fear be the thing that keeps me going in this direction. I hope I stick to it, and figure out what is sustainable.

Even just after just 5 pounds I look in the mirror and feel thin. I know I have a long way to go because when I take my clothes off and then look in the mirror I see the rolls and bags. The hardest part is not being discouraged by minimal results, I have to remind myself that it’s not going happen over night.

I want to be fit, and strong. I want to wear a two piece bathing suit with out feeling uncomfortable and I want to be able to wear a damn romper for once! Mostly, I want to feel good and do good as a result.

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