To my best friend

To my best friend,

You may not see it.

But I do.

Beauty radiates

From inside you.

So much doubt,

So much uncertainty,

So much discontent.

One thing will never change.

That is my love for you.

My eyes see

A wonderful sea

Of imagination and humor,

And above all else,

Love.

You love before all else.

I admire your heart.

The beauty that lies within

Is greater than anything.

I pray and hope,

That you never doubt,

Never question,

Never second guess.

Always remember,

You are beautiful,

You are special,

You are loved.

I’ll always be here,

I’ll never leave you,

I’ll never judge you.

I love you,

Purely,

With my heart and my soul.

Rant about a facebook rant

A friend of mine posted a nasty rant on facebook. It has absolutely nothing to do with me but it really got some thoughts rolling in the back of my mind. It took a lot of will power to not respond and laugh at her and tell her to grow up. She is only embarrassing herself making it seem like no one wants to hang out with her lol. But I wouldn’t be surprised if that is true.

Why put “PSA” in front of your post when you’re just putting your problems out there for everyone to see. It’s almost laughable that you think anyone wants to be friends with you when you treat people like shit; and then you want to blame them for not being part of your life after your husband left for 2 years.

I don’t know what the root of your problems are but since you’re putting it out for the public, my opinion is that if my friend’s husband was visiting for a couple days I would leave them alone so they could be together. I can’t imagine my feelings opening facebook to see that you bitched about it.

Maybe those friends stopped hanging out after he left because you’re actually a shitty person to be around, and because you’re selfish and only talk about yourself, brag about yourself, or complain about problems that could be easily solved if you just stopped throwing money at people to do things for you. Grow up.

The one time you tried to get me to come out with you I was already with my best friend ‘drinking wine’. You then said “Good grief I don’t know how you drink that much” insinuating that I have some sort of alcohol problem when you really do not know me AT all.

I have literally hung out with her maybe three times and we don’t talk often. No idea where she got that idea but it was clear she was just upset that I wouldn’t go hang out with her. The truth is that I wasn’t even drinking I just told her that to avoid having to hang out with her…But, back to my point. What kind of public service was she announcing in her post? The only public service she could do is remove herself from my facebook feed and stop clogging up my cat videos.

When you make something everyone else’s problem don’t get angry when someone calls you out or disagrees with you. Don’t be all butt hurt when someone has an opposing opinion and states their case and other people side with them. What if the person the post was directed to got on there and decided to call you out for all of your bullshit for the public to see? You would probably get angry and it would cause a comment war on facebook.

I am guilty, I’ve done that before and started a relationship altering fight on facebook. I have learned that lesson (more than once) and I am so done putting anything about my personal relationships on facebook .

What is the point of being their friend anyway, and what is the point of posting about it on facebook? Obviously you lack enough respect to talk to them in person and maybe it’s because of something YOU did, but you don’t know about because you wouldn’t just talk to them like and adult.

You are also putting words in your husbands mouth and creating a bad reputation for him. I think that is overall the worst part of it considering his profession. That makes me so angry.

This is why I hate facebook. I will be making some changes to my account and I am going to defriend/unfollow some more people because this is ridiculous. I don’t care about your massage appointment or your nail appointment that you go to every single week. I don’t care about your filtered selfies or yet another deer filter selfie. I don’t care to open my facebook and watch another video of you with a dog face licking the screen.

I want to see more of my sister snow-shoeing on Mount Rainier, and my father going skiing for the first time in 15 years. I want to see my best friend achieve her step goal on fitbit and like her new badge achievement post. I want to see my niece sing and watch my friend play with his adorable new kitten.

I go to facebook for connections. If I wanted politics I would go watch television or the news etc.

I want my family that lives across the U.S. to be able to see my accomplishments because with a huge family like mine it would be impossible to call everyone and plus I don’t usually call my cousins for that stuff, but even they can see it and we can all be in touch. I have over 2,000 photos on facebook and most of them I don’t remember until it pops up on my memories section which I love! These are the only reasons I have a facebook.

Right now it just seems like facebook is where sad, lonely people go and make their lives appear to be a fairytale, if only they could see how fake they look until you read between the lines and realize NO ONE CARES.

Just for a little laugh at the end of this, yes I am on my period haha. Sorry if that’s too much info but I’m a little bitchy in case you haven’t noticed ūüėČ

 

 

So Frustrated (rant)

I recently accepted a new position and I am starting over with a new company and business all together. My time at my current position started out wonderfully and I was really excited about my future.

For many reasons, things started to change at the office. It was one of the busiest seasons they ever had and it caused a lot of tension and conflict, especially having multiple hot-headed, successful women who do all do their processes differently working in the same office. It caused one person to leave because this job would have literally killed her. After she left the tension was altered slightly and I began to enjoy it again.

I was moved up and taken from the¬†closed off¬†front area and moved to the back to train for a higher position. I asked in person and tried many times to discuss my new responsibilities and by boss conveniently was always either sick, too busy and ignored me all together. I was promised to be trained and specific hours of the week. It only happened twice… I learned the rest on my own.

Then about a month later another lead began to act like the one who quit, and was being nasty. They were becoming angry and bitchy and were constantly negative. That type of attitude rubbed off on everyone else and caused more conflict until they finally had enough and left as well.

One of the¬†problems I am having is that NO ONE in this company plans ahead… They take no measures to ensure that¬†the lead’s¬†clients were notified¬†that they¬†left the company. I have multiple customers per day who call asking for¬†that person¬†and are surprised when I tell them they no longer work here and that their lead has changed to someone else with out their consent. It makes all of us look bad. But, like I said in my other rants, clearly they don’t care about the customers and only about the money they make.

When I started here I was promised multiple things. I was promised full benefits after 90 days and plenty of opportunities¬†for growth.. I worked my ass off and learned the business from scratch. I’ve been here months and come to find out I don’t even work for this company, I am actually employed through a vendor that they chose for me. I was hired as a TEMP without that being specifically disclosed.

I asked for my papers that I signed when I was hired so I could go over them again and make sure I knew what I signed up for. NO ONE has those papers. I was told to look online and I have and I’ve contacted the vendor and my boss and no one has any of my papers except for my I-9… What the heck?!

This¬†season is super slow. People were talking about layoffs and conveniently for the company,¬†I’m the expendable one. So I decided to get out as soon as possible before I was¬†laid off and found another job.

What a coincidence that¬†on the day I gave my notice, my car was fucking keyed in our parking garage. There are other businesses in this building, no cameras in the garage and I spoke to the garage manager who told me they can’t do anything about it. I suspect it was a coworker of mine who found out I was leaving¬†before I planned for them to.

You see, a friend of mine who works here helped me get the job. So I respectfully notified her FIRST and NO ONE else that I had found another job. I asked that she wait to mention anything until I had a chance to talk to everyone else first.¬†I found out from another coworker that my other team member (one of our leads)¬†heard it from my friend before I had a chance to tell them. UGH I hate it when people gossip like that, at least I take it here where no one¬† even knows who I’m talking about, and I’m not¬†doing it maliciously I am simply frustrated and want to let it out! I do not expect any outcome from this… I really did not expect my ADULT friend to go behind my back like that.

I understand if she feels angry that she helped me get this job but I spoke to her about my issues in person¬†before, told her I was looking for another job,¬†and she was really surprised about some of the things I said. I thought she would be happy for me but she didn’t even respond when I told her. She lives hours away so I¬†didn’t have the chance to¬†tell her in person. I probably should have called her but I thought she would be understanding. I emailed her and respectfully told her that I had a new opportunity and thanked her for her efforts and hoping she would understand. I didn’t want her to think I was ungrateful. I guess none of my efforts helped. She lied to me anyway promising me a promotion saying she would hire me as her assistant if I waited until the end of the year. I couldn’t wait any longer and don’t want to work with her anyway.

The lead¬†she told is on the same team as me and¬†did not like me from the start. They(the lead. I’m trying to be as vague as possible about their¬†identity)¬†were rude, condescending, confrontational,¬†and narcissistic. I highly suspect it was¬†the lead¬†because after talking with my boss about my job change we agreed it would be best for my boss to tell¬†the lead first,¬†and then I would talk to¬†the lead¬†about it after.

I was waiting for my boss to tell me¬†they told¬†that person¬†(like¬†they said¬†they would) and no surprise to me, they didn’t.. I should have just told¬†the lead¬†myself and looking back now it was stupid of me to rely on my boss to do it because I learned long ago that¬†my boss it lazy and does not do anything that they say..¬†So towards the end of the day my team member came up to me and told me they knew about it and congratulated me (I didn’t buy the act¬†one bit). I hate to be the kind of person to point fingers but due to the unplanned way that they found out and adding up all the previous times they were¬†malicious to me for no reason I strongly suspect the lead was the one who keyed my car.

I have no way of finding out, I don’t want to accuse anyone without proof, and now I have scratches down to the metal all along the passenger side of my car.. I am taking it to get an estimate tomorrow…

I am trying to be respectful and stick out the two weeks with my chin up and ignore my rotten team-mate. However, I am finding it extremely difficult and I am having a really hard time ‘killing them with kindness’. I am afraid of what might come out if they do one more thing to piss me off… I can’t wait for February 1st!

Thanks for listening to my rant…

Update: I emailed the person who helped me get the job to give her a full explanation (not that she deserved it but I felt it was needed). I didn’t want her to think I was ungrateful but I also didn’t want to sound like I owed her something because that’s not right. I worded it in the nicest way possible, and explained my decisions and timing in such a way that I did not throw anyone under the bus.¬†I cleverly worded it in a way that would make any smart person¬†know they fucked up,¬†without specifically saying¬†I know what they did. I am proud of the way I handled it and I even invited her to sushi to celebrate her promotion and my new position. Choosing whether to react or respond has been a really challenging thing for me in the past so I feel really good for taking the high road and not letting my emotions get the best of me. It feels so good to be such a clever bitch¬†and do it with class, and I know I am a better person for that.

 

Do you believe in miracles?

My ex and I had a cat named Boots who went missing in June. She went outside as she normally would one night and never came back. We thought she got eaten until I got a call four months later from someone who found a similar looking cat and saw my ad on pawboost. She had very distinguishable tummy markings. It was her! I called my ex and told him I found her and was bringing her home to him.

Poor Boots was skin stretched over bones. We think she might have gotten into someone’s trailer or camper and ended up in Enumclaw (we lived in Puyallup at the time) since she went missing right around the end of June. It was a miracle that someone found her. She is doing much better now and is actually heavier now than before she went missing. We decided we would rather her be a little chubby now than be starving to death. We do¬†monitor her food intake and she gets monthly vet check ups and has a clean bill of health.

The day I found Boots and called my ex he¬†told me he had just committed to rescuing a kitten. So¬†we went from zero to two cats in one day!¬†This little black, fluffy kitty who has many names such as “spider cat” “mittens”¬† “baby kitty” and “willow” was¬†said to be a girl. I originally named¬†her “Willow” and the vet laughed and said “have you seen the movie Willow? In that movie Willow was a boy, what a coincidence”. He and my¬†ex laughed and quoted the movie “Willowwwww take the wand”.

The poor black kitten was found in the tail pipe of a car. The car was on and the driver heard the kitten screaming and shut it off. The hot pipe burned his paws and he spent the first two weeks of his life with his paws wrapped. He was too young to be away from his mother but had no choice since the mother cat was never found.

We think maybe she put him in there to protect him from something and tried to keep our minds clear of foul humans being involved. It’s a sad start to his life but we diligently followed the vet’s instructions and nurtured him until he was healed and strong.

It’s so amazing to think how just a few months ago he could barely walk and couldn’t use a litter box because of his paws. Now he is a WILD, rambunctious boy who terrorizes his sister and his doggie brother Winchester.

Willow¬†loved Winchester from the start. Winnie(the dog’s nickname) is so patient with him. Willow picks on¬†Winnie and then wants to cuddle with him at the end of the day. Sometimes Winnie doesn’t understand and is reluctant¬†to cuddle despite Willow’s continuous effort. Other times¬†Winnie will play so gently and sweetly¬†with Willow. Occasionally they play¬†my favorite¬†game I like to call “Battle of the Bed”. Willow stands at the edge of the bed with his back hunched up and Winnie paces back and forth, grunts and talks in a clearly annoyed tone and huffs and puffs as he throws his head back in frustration. It’s hilarious.

Finally! I caught them cuddling which is becoming a more frequent occurrence. I love all of those pets so much¬†and there is nothing better than cuddling on the couch with all three of them at the same time. They are my “god children” so I have permanent visitation rights!¬†This particular ex and I have a rare understanding¬†and have been able to remain friends after our split.¬†He’s the only exception to that, that I would probably ever make since I know how that usually turns out and have experienced a¬†similar situation before. Anyway here are some pictures of the pets. Some of¬†Boots¬†and Willow during their recovery and then some of Willow and Winnie.¬†¬†Enjoy!

 

 

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Starting Over

That thing you’re attached to

That thing you Cling to,

That thing you refuse to let go of,

But you know you’re better off without.

You know better,

But you fight to hang on.

Heavy with guilt.

You still give and give

When all they do is take.

You know better!

Ignoring that voice you keep trying

Until it tears you down.

Breaks you into a million pieces.

You wake up in the darkness,

In the piercing blizzard of consequence and regret.

It wasn’t until you lost everything,

That you realize you could of had everything,

If only you had just let go.

via Daily Prompt: Cling