I Joined OKCupid

Yesterday, I was hanging out with my best friend. She is also single, so we were looking on our dating sites and she began to show me her OkCupid (OKC) profile. I had heard of this dating site before but I thought it was only for Christians, and I thought you had to pay. OKC is open to the public and also has a both free and premium features.

I was pleasantly surprised with OKC, they asked a LOT of questions and not just the basics. They really dug deep and aim to match you to people based on your answers. Not only can you choose your own answer, but you can select the answer(s) that you would prefer your match to say. You can also view each others answers, but only if you answered the same question(s). OKC also let’s you skip questions which I was grateful for, because some I felt required a more detailed answer than what they offered. There is a space to write in an answer but I still preferred to leave some blank.

I completed my new profile on OKC and instantly started receiving likes and messages etc. There is a “Boost” button that I accidentally hit and my notification were off the charts, so that was fun.

Like most dating apps, there are some features only available if you pay, but you can still see messages and received notifications when someone likes your profile. I feel that OKC offers a good selection of free features, and definitely better ones than POF.

OKC shows a percentage on each persons profile to rate how closely your answers match theirs. OKC also displays personality traits on profiles based on the answers provided. I enjoy the the info boxes/questions featured on each persons profiles which are:

  1. Self-Summary
  2. What I’m Doing with my life
  3. I’m really good at
  4. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
  5. Six things I could never do without
  6. I spend a lot of time thinking about
  7. on a typical Friday night I am
  8. You should message me if

I thoroughly enjoy how much control OKC gives me. I found out today that I can even filter my messages. It’s just really cool and I am super excited about this and thought I’d share in case someone else is looking to try a different dating app.

Does anyone else have any other recommendations for free dating sites/apps? Any success stories? I’d love to hear some feedback!

 

 

Advertisements

Not A Good Impression

I’ve written about online dating before. It’s been a few months since I re-started the journey of online dating after my last break up, and I’d like to share a little more about my experience.

I began searching in March, found a few interests and began conversations. One thing I realized that is still true is that I can only carry about 3 conversations at once. Even 3 is a little much for me, and I hate beginning a new conversation and having to start over on the whole “Hey how are you?”, “What do you do for work/fun?”… As I get deeper in conversations I forget who is who and sometimes think we’ve already covered a subject, only to find that I’m an idiot and it was the other guy..

I suppose I should have mentioned that the sites I’m using are Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF). I have used POF for a few years and have had two relationships spawn from it. Tinder I know is more of a hook up site, but I still think it is helpful in finding people in your community that might even share some mutual friends.

Back to my experience… I met a guy who I will just call “J” in March. J and I hit it off pretty quickly and we had great conversation. His smile was charming and after a cocktail with my best girlfriend I decided to say “we should meet”. At the same time I hit send he said “What are you doing tonight?”. I took that as a sign and threw some make up on and headed out the door to meet him for a drink.

I had been single since November and had zero hook ups in between. I told myself I was going to take things slow. Well, after a couple beers J invited me back to his place for have one more outside by a fire. I agreed and followed him. Well that one drink turned out to be a full glass of straight jack and no mixer… He walked me to my car and then pinned me to the door with his tongue down my throat.. Next thing I know were heading who knows where in my car to some parking lot to continue our frenzy because he still lived with his parents and they were home. You can pretty much assume the following events of the evening. I will say, we weren’t exactly successful, the rug burn was not fun…

I ended up seeing him again the next night, St. Pattys day for dinner. We enjoyed some green beer, and I was good this time; I did not go home with him, only kissed him good-bye and invited him to my birthday the weekend after. He accepted.

We went to a movie early in the day with my parents and sister, he made some awkward comments to my parents that had me a little unsure if I should have brought him, but I let it slide.

I got a hotel for my birthday and it was really awesome. He and I went and got a whole bunch of booze and pre-funked in the room before heading out. He invited his sister, and I invited mine and a few friends to join. It was fun until J started to get sloppy. We got kicked out of the first bar because he could barely open the door. He got a little weird and started getting uncomfortably clingy to me and wouldn’t even let me light my own cigarettes or open any doors. The extend of it did not make it seem sweet it was annoying to the point my sister and my friends left because they were uncomfortable.

I should have made him taxi home and gone on with my night, but I felt kind of responsible so I let him stay in the room; he did drive after all and I didn’t want to taxi home in the morning. I contemplated locking him out of the room when he went to get ice. I told him it wasn’t going to work out a few days later.

I boycotted online dating for a while after that, and decided to get back on a few days ago. I’m finding it harder and harder, to find dudes who aren’t too young or too old for me. J was only a year younger but there was a major maturity difference, so I’m not sure I’d date younger anymore.

I’m not relying solely on social media to find my price charming, but it’s nice when I’m not out man hunting to be able to at least talk to guys, and practice getting out of my comfort zone.

I did get a psycho that messaged me he started with “hey”, all I did was delete the conversation because I wasn’t interested (I didn’t know they could see that on their end) and then he says, “respect others you stupid fuck”, “you’re not special at all!!!!!” “fat ass” and then blocked me. I laughed and then wondered if he could be a serial killer… Who knows..

I really hate it when guys have really lame about me sections and use words like “and stuff” or simply “ask me”. Don’t have a lame headline like “Deer killer”… I also pay a lot of attention to usernames and if it is really stupid like “milkchocolate” I am not going to respond.

When I’m scrolling through pics, I absolutely hate it when they are blurry or with an arm around another girl even if it is a sister, it’s weird and they look like a swinger. I’m not hating it’s just not my thing and I won’t respond.

My advice, and just my personal opinions about dating profiles is to write something funny or a fun fact about yourself that isn’t gross, and don’t use vulgar language (unless that is truly your personality, then do you). Have clear pictures of yourself smiling and include ones of yourself doing cool things like hiking or doing a hobby etc. When engaging in conversation maybe consider the fact that I’m having a similar conversation with other guys (I mean come on, it’s a dating site) and try to make it different some how.

I notice spelling and grammar, and maybe it’s just a personal issue but it really bugs me when there isn’t punctuation; or when there are a fair amount of errors (I’m not saying mine is perfect either)…

When my profile says “Looking for a serious relationship” and someone messages me and theirs says “wants to date but nothing serious“, I do not respond. I’m done messing around and although a lot of people use those sites to hook up I set my profile as “Looking for a serious relationship” to hopefully deter the ones who just want a hook up…

If you are unsure if your profile will attract what you’re looking for ask a friend in the gender you are interested in and see what they say. Ask a stranger and get their opinion. If you’re serious and want a relationship and are using a dating website, at least put in some more effort on your profile so I can get an idea of how much effort you’d put into a relationship.

A first Impression is a big deal, but a lasting impression is even bigger.

via Daily Prompt: Impression

Online Dating Troubles

I have been online dating for years. I have a found a few decent guys throughout the years, but obviously since I am single now none of them worked out. The sites that seem the most promising charge you $50 just for a month! Wtf! I don’t want to pay and then end up finding out it’s exactly like the other websites.

Some of my encounters are laughable and others are just plain weird. I will often give a guy extra points for messaging me first however, and not to sound conceited because I don’t mean it that way; why do some of these dudes think I’d be interested in them, when their profile is literally NOTHING like mine? ZERO common interests.

One guy straight up said, in his first message “Have you ever dominated a guy?”…. DELETE, BLOCK. I should have responded with something like, “yea he is still locked in my basement” or something to freak him out. Lord knows I’ve learned my lesson that if you message them back with ANYTHING even an insult, they think you want them…

Another guy messaged ME first. I thought he was super hot and shared the same interests. The reason I emphasized the ME first part was because he acted so uninterested in talking to me after I responded. Here is exactly our conversation..

Hello gorgeous

Me: Hey, how are you?

wyd tonight

Me: Hanging with my best friend, were about to go Christmas shopping.

Nice.

Me: What kind of cars do you own/work on?

(no response for hours)

I drift, I own a Mazda Miata.

Me: Oh nice, I used to love the thrill or racing when I had my Mustang, but now I’m more of a truck girl since I got my Toyota.

(no response for a day)

Me: Did you grow up here?

You mean in Washington? (DUH)

Me: Yea..

For the most part.

Me: Where did you go to school?

Bethel.

Me: Cool, well you should tell me a secret 🙂

I don’t have secrets.

Me: Well Im out of questions do you want to know anything about me?

Are you serious about wanting a relationship? Im only asking because I don’t want to get hurt again. (whoa too soon)

Me: Well, yes I am serious but I want to take my time and do it the right way, and I would never hurt anyone intentionally.

(no response for a while)

Me: So Im going to be visiting a friend near you would you like to go to dinner or grab a drink?

(hours later but he read my message)

I just spent my whole paycheck on car parts sorry hun I cant afford it right now.

Me: No worries, I’d just rather meet in a public setting so we can do this another time, unless you have another idea?

Oh I see, so now that I don’t have money you don’t want to go out, that tells me exactly what kind of woman I’m talking to.

(whoa whoa back up, did I not just ask him if he had another idea lol?)

Me: Not at all, that’s why I asked if you had another idea…

(a while later, and he was just so attractive so I decided to give it one more shot…)

Me: Im sorry you’ve been hurt in the past, I’ve been hurt too. I had a really bad day and you just put the cherry on top.

Was it that bad? (ok so don’t even apologize for insulting me)

Me: Yea it was..

(I asked a few more questions and got one word answers)

Me: I don’t know why I tried to save this conversation

What do you mean?

*face palm*

Can there just be a nice guy out there who can show me how to work on my truck, shares the same love for animals, is adventurous, romantic, and spontaneous; likes the outdoors and is humble/respectful and mentally stable(<—-MOST IMPORTANT!)?! Is my order too tall lol?

UGH